Drawing: Faces No. 145

Drawing: Faces Series No. 145
by Jack Brummet



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Drawing-->digital art: Rictus

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Drawing: Faces Series No. 144: Sections By Jack Brummet

Faces Series No. 144: Sections
By Jack Brummet



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Faces Drawing No. 143

Faces series No. 143
By Jack Brummet


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Drawing No. 142

Faces Drawing No. 142 By Jack Brummet
(Selected by Pablo Fanque, National Affairs Editor ed's note: this is my favorite in the series)

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Drawing: Lipstck Trauma

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I've been patted down 150 times to maintain the illusion of safety

Since 9/11, I have been patted down at airports here and abroad around 150 times. My stainless steel femur sets off the metal detectors every time I pass through them, except once in Eugene, OR. Here is an interesting sidebar to that story: when I didn't sent off the alarm, I told the TSA guy:

"Hey, this is weird...I always set off the alarm. Something's wrong with your machine."

He essentially told me "don't worry about it, and be on your way."

It's the only time in 9 years that I HAVEN'T been patted down!




Having been through it so many times, I am not unsympathetic to everyone who feels embarrassed or invaded. For my part, I am pretty inured to it now. Actually, I am probably just numb to it all. You just answer their questions and get through it as quick as you can. It takes two minutes usually, three at the most. I will admit, I have been tempted more than once when they give their little speech about searching you, to say "Hey, I actually like it, 'bro. . .it's kind of hot!" But the TSA guys are not the most humorous bunch of people I've ever met.



Since I had arthoplasty, I get to experience this close-up and personal shakedown every single time I ride an airplane (and twice, or more, if it is an international flight and you have to pass out of the "sterile" zone). Anyone who knows me could tell you I am the least likely candidate in the world to take down an airplane, due to a nearly maniacal fear of flying.




Finally, I would point out that the frisking is never that invasive...even when you get the special treatment and they look in every article in your bags (including looking at every page in every book, and turning on each iPod, camera, phone, and computer you have). In fact, they seem to go out of their way to not touch your "privates" or butt (or should butt be part and parcel of the privates?..certainly it's more private than public), which may be one reason the Christmas day crotch-bomber slipped through screening.


X-raying a crowd

Nearly everyone who has ever "examined" me has been professional and friendly, and even appreciative that I am petty sanguine about the whole operation. It's hard to get mad at them. . .they're earning $16 an hour the hard way. I have never met one of these guys who wasn't extremely nice. I watch other people become angry over the invasion, but it's really not worth the oxygen. As usual, the big problems lie further up the food chain. I don't mind the searches, but as recent events show, this may not be making us as safe as we once thought. One expert says the only really change since 9/11 is reinforced cockpit doors.

Other TSA/airport stories from All This Is That:

http://jackbrummet.blogspot.com/2008/06/full-body-scanners-cranking-up-at.html
http://jackbrummet.blogspot.com/2008/04/face-scans-at-airports-are-coming-to-uk.html
Aviophobia: Pilot's gun discharges on US Airways flight
Blown by the TSA again/Aviophobia once again
Aviophobia, Part 26 Airport Screeners Miss Fake Bombs 75% Of The Time
Aviophobia, Part 22
Poem: Landing, or, Aviophobia, Part 26
Aviophobia Update
Hello Austin! Goodbye Fear of Flying!
A confession: How I slipped through the NSA metal detectors. . .with some heavy metal!
Fear Of Flying, Fear of Dying
Poem: Falling
Poem: Notes On Flying
One More Reason Why I Am Scared Sh**less To Fly: Video Of Fixing A Jet's Wing With Duct Tape
Airline passenger restrictions, hip replacements, and why the Executive Branch goes unmolested, while I am scanned, probed, poked and patted down
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Alien Lore No. 166 - U.S. Officials In Meetings With The Greys, According To The Examiner.com

Thanks to Dr. Stephen Clarke-Willson for directing me to this story.

According to a story published late in December by The Examiner, "Independent sources have claimed an on-going set of face-to-face meetings between U.S. military officials and extraterrestrial life. The sources reveal that senior U.S. Navy officers have played a leading role in an inter-services working group responsible for the meetings, and that different extraterrestrial groups are allegedly involved."



These meetings are alleged to include high Navy officials (Source A among them) and were follow-up meetings to earlier conclaves with United Nations officials. Source A says he was directly involved in meetings with two separate alien groups about their spacecraft. Leaked reports give strong evidence of an ongoing program of secret meetings involving senior military personnel from the U.S. Navy and other military services with one or more extraterrestrial civilizations.

One source with the Defense Intelligence Agency claimed a large meeting was held in the Johnston Islands (A U.S. Territory near Hawaii that is administered by The Navy):



"The Ebens [ed's note: we typically refer to the Ebens as The Greys here] met on Akau Island with a total of 18 representatives from the U.S., United Nations, Russia, China, the Vatican and certain other guests. U.S. representatives are said to have included five military personnel, two intelligence officers, one linguist and one person representing the Obama administration." This meeting with the extraterrestrials occurred in November, 2009.

"...there are many events revealed in the Serpo story that are very likely based on real events such as President Reagan being secretly briefed at some point about extraterrestrial life. A number of Reagan’s public statements are circumstantial evidence that he did receive such a briefing. An alleged transcript of the briefing was released as part of the Serpo material in November 2007. This author’s assessment is that the Serpo releases mix real events with fiction in an officially sanctioned acclimation program. While the Serpo material requires much discernment given the level of disinformation in it, it is very likely that it accurately reveals the existence of secret military meetings with extraterrestrials..."

The article concludes "there is very real dissatisfaction in the U.S. military, especially officers from the Navy, over the way in which extraterrestrial affairs has been secretly run and managed by a covert transnational group initially known as MJ-12 [ed's note MJ-12 is often known as Majestic, and has written about extensively, and portrayed in the great TV drama "Dark Skies"]. The article also alludes to a cover-up, long discussed by researchers and UFOlogists, in which the existence of the aliens had been hidden from the American public for decades
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Chris Matthews tears into Politico.com as tools of Ex-VP Cheney

2009 Political Scandals: Ruh-roh! Where to start?

By Pablo Fanque (All This Is That National Affairs Editor) and Jack Brummet (Illustrations, "fact-checking," and research)

Here are All This Is That's top fourteen political scandals of 2009. It wasn't quite up to the high bar set during the Monica-gate year, but 2009 was pretty good; by a wide margin the fallen, debilitated, resigned, and neutered were from the "Republican Family Values" wing of the G.O.P.




John, with son

Baby Daddy John Edwards - After dropping out of the Presidential race in early 2008, Edwards steadfastly denied paternity of Rielle Hunter's baby. However, a DNA test apparently proved otherwise. Edwards wanted to admit he was the father, but his dying (and pretty cool and smart) wife didn't want him to do that. I guess it's in limbo. This almost doesn't qualify as a scandal. No one really cares. But we consider it a scandal, since we were among the dupes who actually supported Smilin' Ex-Senator John Edwards. . .and even sent him money. The scandal, really, is how could we have been so dumb when we think we're so astute?


click to enlarge Crazy Joe

Pants On Fire! - Republican Representative Joe Wilson's shouted "You lie!" during President Obama's speech to Congress on health care. Wilson said it was "completely spontaneous," and he apologized. [Jack note: If you believe the laughable claim it was spontaneous, then you must admit, this guy is spooky]. It was highly disrespectful, and an egregious breach of Congressional Rules. but I kind of like it. On the other hand, this isn't England. On the other, other hand, Joe Wilson has always been, and is now officially, a deranged and dangerous no-op.


Ex-Representative William Jefferson, headed for the hoosegow

The Freezer Cash Dude - Ex-congressman William Jefferson, hid $90,000 in dirty cash in his freezer and was sentenced to 13 years in prison for accepting bribes--the longest sentence ever imposed on a congressman for bribery. And there have been a few of them!


It's all about the ice

Climate-Gate - Late in the year, a scandal erupted over e-mails that suggest global-warming scientists used "tricks" to boost their warming theory. The scandal permeated the climate summit in Copenhagen and gave new hope and vigor to the flat-earth movement of climate change doubters and skeptics.


The President, VP, Cop, and alleged miscreant Gates share brewskis

Obama's Suds Summit - The arrest of Obama pal and one-time Harvard professor Henry Louis Gates by a white Cambridge, Mass., cop, prompted the president to hold a race-laced "beer summit" outside the Oval Office. Since the summit, tensions in the case have eased. This wasn't a scandal so much as just weird.



Live Mike Nightmare - Republican Mike Duvall, an Ex-assemblyman in California resigned after his hot sex comments were picked up by a live microphone during a September assembly meeting. In the video, the married family-values crusader (of course!) from Yorba Linda talks in graphic detail about two women he said he slept with -- at least one of whom was a lobbyist with business before his utilities committee. He sounded amused that he was cheating on both his wife and a
mistress.

“Oh, yeah, Sher, Shar, Shar,” Duvall said. “Oh, she is hot! I talked to her
 yesterday. She goes, ‘So are we finished?’ I go, ‘No, we’re not finished.’ I go, ‘You know about the other one [Barsuglia], but she doesn’t know about 
you!’”

Hiking the Appalachian Trail - Yes, hiking the Appalachian trail was how South Carolina Gov. Mark "Hasn't resigned yet" Sanford explained it to his wife, family and aides. He was actually heating up the sheets in Buenos Aires with his Argentinian mistress. He's been reprimanded by the legislature and dumped by his wife. U.S. News and World reports that his South American love quest may have even jeopardized his Top Secret security clearance.

Sen. John "hasn't resigned yet" Ensign's Affair - Nevada Sen. John Ensign's extramarital affair with an aide who is the wife of a former aide. The Senate Ethics Committee is investigating.

The State dinner gate crashers - Michaele and Tareq Salahi, are under various investigations, including one by a House committee probing how they got in without an invite and skated past the White House Social Office. The Secret Service seems largely to have sloughed off any blame. It looks like it will be the WH functionaries and bureaucrats who take the fall on this one. Yeah, it's not a big story really, and much like the Balloon Boy story. . .just a bold plea for attention, and their own reality show.



ACORN - What can you even say about this one? First they were attached by the right-wing, and were later seriously caught with their pants down.

Ex Governor Rod Blagojevich - The former Illinois Gov. was impeached on charges he sold, or tried to sell Ex-Senator Barack Obama's seat in the Senate. Rod had a notable head of hair, and has been seen on at least one reality TV show (joining Tom DeLay) since leaving office.



Ex Governor Sarah Palin - Sarah Palin's unexpectedly quitting as Alaska governor, months after a brutal and losing vice presidential campaign, was a shock to most everyone. She's gone on to make millions with her autobiography, Going Rogue, a mega-bestseller still riding the charts, and is toying with a presidential bid in 2012. Maybe.


Liz Becton -click to enlarge

"Don't Call me Liz!" - Elizabeth Becton, office manager for Jack's personal congressman--U.S. Representative Jim McDermott, (Seattle-Democrat) is a complete freak. On May 22, 2009, Becton sent a snarky email to an executive assistant at McBee Strategic in response to the individual calling her “Liz” in an email instead of Elizabeth. The alternately pissed-off and apologetic chain of e-mails went on for about nineteen volleys, with the assistant apologizing six times if she had somehow “offended” Becton. The emails went viral all over the internet and around Capitol Hill. Time magazine posted one particularly twisted one:

“In the future, you should be very careful about such things. People like to brag about their connections in D.C. It's a pastime for some. It's also dangerous to eavesdrop, as you have just found out. Quit apologizing and never call me anything but Elizabeth again. Also, make sure you correct anyone who attempts to call me by any other name but Elizabeth. Are we clear on this? Like I said, it's a hot button for me. And please don't call the office and do not leave a message. My colleague told me you called while I was away. ... I do sometimes leave my desk.” — "Don't call me" Liz Becton



The Birthers - OK, I guess someone needed a new wack cause, as the US did the 9/11 attacks movement started to die out. And the birther movement was launched.
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Drawing: Suspects

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Digital art: Tantrum

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Poem: God's Angry Rain

The windows of heaven opened
The fountains of the deep opened
And it rained forty days and forty nights

Until even K2 and Everest
Were hidden beneath
20 feet of water
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Seattle may have let pro basketball go to Oklahoma City, but in their stead, we got pro soccer and the Lingerie League's Seattle Mist

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Seattle may have allowed/enabled the SuperSonics to depart for Oklahoma City (!), but in their stead, we do have the pro soccer Seattle Sounders, and, of course, the Seattle Mist of the Lingerie League. The Mist play in the suburbs of Seattle, in Kent--a few blocks from where I grew up. Unlike the departed SuperSonics, the resident Seahawks and Mariners, and the UW's Husky football team, the Seattle Mist actually win!
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A salute to President Barack Obama, George W. Bush's magnificent clean-up man, or, the man with the broom following the elephant

by Pablo Fanque

All This Is That National Affairs Editor

As you probably know, I frequently criticize Barack Obama. I voted for the man and I like the man, but have been disappointed by his compromising and centrist stance on the issues of the day. His cool, cerebral approach is often just a little too cool. And there have been odd moments of distraction--two that come to mind are the beer party he held for his old Professor and the cop who busted him, and flying thousands of miles to throw a Hail-Mary for a Chicago Olympics bid. But that is, really, pretty small stuff.

Barack Obama has inherited and masterfully begun to tackle hundreds of problems that President George W. Bush either left behind, or actually created. This hit home this week with the Christmas Day bombing attempt on a passenger jet. And, once again, BHO is left to clean up his predecessor's mess. One expert says that the billions of dollars we have spent on airport security have been virtually worthless. Security expert Bruce Schneier wrote this week:

"For years I've been saying 'Only two things have made flying safer [since 9/11]: the reinforcement of cockpit doors, and the fact that passengers know now to resist hijackers.'"

President Barack Obama said U.S. intelligence agencies missed “red flags” that would have put the Nigerian bomber on a no-fly list before Christmas Day, when he is accused of trying to blow up an airliner. He called this lapse a "systemic failure."

Our government failed to heed warnings that Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab could pose a terrorist threat even after his father warned U.S. authorities about his concerns, the president said yesterday. President Obama said: “The warning signs would have triggered red flags, and the suspect would have never been allowed to board that plane for America.” Abdulmutallab, a 23-year-old Nigerian, is charged with smuggling explosives onto a Northwest Airlines jet and trying to blow up the plane as it prepared to land in Detroit. The TSA's absurd response? Not let passengers leave their seats the last hour of a flight.

Obama said he expects results tomorrow from investigations he ordered into the nearly tragic failure of aviation security and terrorist intelligence gathering.

On top of everything else he assumed, The President now has to deal with cleaning up the entire national airline security system. If Bruce Schneier is correct, and it looks like he is, the President will need to rebuild that laughable system from the ground up. Between a two-front war, a teetering economy, and the other bits and pieces he must pick up, it's an absolute miracle Barack Obama was able to focus on health care reform. I'm glad to see he was able to get anything accomplished on that front. For now, he has to return to the job that will consume his next seven years in office: cleaning up the messes left behind by George W. Bush and Dick Cheney.

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Spotting a concealed weapon: how to tell if someone is packing a heater

Thanks to Jeff Clinton for sending along another great tidbit. This fascinating page from an NYC police training document. A couple years ago, a Seattle cop told me that he thought the majority of those leather fanny/front packs you see contain a heater of some sort.


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Old Seattle photograph

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This photo is probably from about 1900 (the flags are 45 star, which they were from 1896-1908), taken at the corner of Seattle's 2d Avenue S. and South Jackson St. in Pioneer Square. The street doesn't look much different today. The buildings still exist. One was damaged in the 2001 earthquake but was restored. This corner is now leased by--surprise--a coffee shop. Photo courtesy Allen, of Vintageseattle.org. He bought the photo used. Note: Everyone in the photo is wearing a hat.
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Young Fresh Fellows Live in Europe: If you believe in Cleveland

The YFF toured Europe in late fall performing tunes from their excellent new album (we were at the release party at The Tractor). One of the strongest new tunes is "If you believe in Cleveland..."


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The Smoking Gun busts TMZ over photos of JFK with a crowd of naked women

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By Pablo Fanque,
All This Is That National Affairs Editor

The Smoking Gun busts TMZ over their bogus photo/story of JFK frolicking with a bevy of naked women. The picture was actually from a 1967 Playboy story...

"TMZ claimed to have consulted with "multiple experts," including a forensic photo expert and two unnamed JFK biographers, as it sought to confirm that the late president was photographed surrounded by a quartet of naked women."



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analog/digital art: The Human Stain

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Analog/Digital Art: Christmas Party at the Licensing Bureau

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A christmas sort-of-shaggy-dog story

A Shaggy Dog Story from the Atlanta Daily

SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cosy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours. Call (404) 874-7421 and ask for Petra.

Over 10,000 men called the Atlanta Humane Society about this 6-week old Labrador puppy.
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Digital art: Robot No. 6

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The Doors' LA Woman

I forgot just how much I loved LA Woman by The Doors until last weekend when it came up in the dance music at the Hokit-Roberts annual blowout, and we danced our asses off! It's my favorite LA song of all time--I also like it because I can sing along perfectly with Jim Morrison on this last record. We had the same register but I could never confidently sing along until he'd ravaged his voice.

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Lord Buckley's Scrooge - audio and text

Since the first time I heard it in California in 1985 [ed's note: I know it was '85, because I wrote the date I bought his "Hiporama of the classics" on the inside cover], this is my favorite Christmas story of all time (it's all in the rendition, friends). Take ten and a half minutes to listen to this. For once, I am being serious. You know how the story ends, but Lord Buckley makes that ending sing hosannahs to the heavens. Th...e Lord (a title he annointed himself with) is one of those writers and performers whose work is shot through with his love of all of us, high, low, and in between. . .



A Hip Christmas Carol
by Lord Buckley

"Yes, me, I'm Scrooge and I got all Marley's barley,
and I'm the baddest cat in all dis world.
I been studyin' all my life how to Scrooge people,
and I guarantee I done some fine work in dat direction.
"Cratchit!"

"Yes, sir."

"You busy?"

"I shorely is, sir."

"See dat you keep busy.
Don't want no danglin' wanglin' around here.
Keep everybody tight.
And tell dem two cats come in here want to get some money
I ain't givin' no money away.

"Dey messin' wit Scrooge.
I'm takin' it in. I ain't puttin' it out.
Issat clear?"

"Yes, sir."

"Well, keep it clear. People comin' around here
wantin' my gold dat's all, tryin' to pry into my vault.
Every time I turn around somebody's tryin' to snap...

"Tell my nephew I don't want to have no dinner wid him
an' if he never comes in here again dat'll be too soon."

"I'll tell de cat."

"See dat ya do.

"I don't understand dese people who are after my gold.
I close up dis here place and den dey ...

"What, what? Yeah, let me tell you somethin else -
You think that you gonna get off Christmas day?"

"Well I was hopin', sir, dat you'd let me knock off just a little while
for Christmas Eve cause I want to go home and cool da goose."

"Well if you gonna get off Christmas Eve
you gonna have to work aaalllll day Christmas.
You hear me?"

"I hear ya, sir. I'm wid it."

"Well I guess I'll go on home here."

So Scrooge takes off and he cuts on down the street.
And the snow's blowin' and da winds is wooooooooin',
and Scrooge is goin' along in his loose soul
and his loose clothes and his hard cash box
and his big money mind goin' on in his wig
and he ding ding ding up da stairs
and he open his door and he gets inside
and he puts a double lock on da door
cause he a little bugged tonight.
He bein' sayin' "Humbug" so long, "Humbug dis," an' "Humbug dat,"
he done give himself a natural Humbug.
He's got da bug hummin' in him, see.
So he double-lock da door.

And he sit dere and all of a sudden
dere's an old bell layin' over dere in the corner
and da bell goes, "ding-ding-ding-ding"
and Scrooge say, "Whassat?"
Dang- dong. "Whassat?"
Bell started ringin' "DING DONG DOONG DOONG"
Pretty soon all da bells all over the house started ringin'
"Ding Ding Dang Dang Dong
Ring Dong Boom Boom, Ding dong,
Boom boom"

And he hear somethin'
like some chain cats are pullin'
all da chains from the chains of time
up the hill 'a strife ringing' and dinglin'
wid his whole head ringin' and dingin' wid dem chains.

And bloooop!

In come a cat, da wildest lookin' cat ya ever see in his life.
Real gone cat.
And Scrooge does a real wild take

"I know who dat stud is - dat's Marley!
I know dat's Marley!
What's he doin' here? Say, Marley?"

"Yes, it's me."

"Man, you sure chained up dere,
man, you got chainsville all over you dere!"

"Well, I put em on myself, dat's da way I lived it.
I chained myself. I hung myself up wid all dese chains, you know,
bein' parsimonious, ya understand what I mean?
I can't get 'em off now.
I been luggin' dese chains all over da country
for the past seven years."

"Dat's a long time.
What's you want wit me dere, Marley Marley?
cause I got your barley."

"I don't mess wid no barley no more.
I wish I'd given it all away when I had it
and I'm gonna tell you somethin' else, too,
I'm a spook, you know dat."

"You tellin' me. I know dat.
You a spook, man, an' I wanna get straight."

"I'm gonna tell you somethin else, too, Mr. Scroogie Scrooge,
Dere gonna be three more gas lightin' spooks comin' in to see you."

"Three more gas lightin' spooks.
Say, one spook's enough.
Can't I have 'em all at one time?"

"No. Dey comin' one at a time.
First one be eleven,
next one be twelve,
next one'll be one."

"Man, if I had known this..."

"Tell you what. You dig, Scrooge, it's what you puttin' down.
You been a real sorry cat all dis time.
You gonna be gassed now by dese spooks."

"Well, dey say if I gotta be gassed..
Ain't gonna cost me no money, is it?"

"Cost you more 'n dat, Scrooge."

"Dey ain't no more den money!"

"You find out."

Brrrrt.

And Marley split.

And old Scrooge is sittin' dere sweatin' and dinglin' danglin'.

And all of a sudden, man,
he hears some crazy wild kind of a thing goin' on.
He don't know just what it is and all of a sudden . . .

Boom

Here comes a great big fat spook,
look like takes a hundred and seventy wings
lift him off over da house top
and he's got de old beat up cat and spandly legs,
and strangly arms and pedicured eyes,
and a whole out of his skull wiggin' up a storm
and he looks at old Scrooge and he says...

Scrooge is standin' dere in the corner
he feel like a disrupted small disregarded
and unclaimed white mice midget-style,
he's sittin' over dere.

And dis spook say, "Come wid me
'cause I is The Ghost of da Christmas Past!"

And Scrooge say, "Do I hafta?"

Say, "You certainly do!"

And he got on the ghost's wing and - brrt - they took off.

And he's flyin' old Scrooge over da top of da mountain
da wind is blowin', da wind is partin' his way,
and he's lookin' down, and seein' all dese crazy scenes goin' on.

Zoom!

He goes over a few more miles
Takes him down to a sun-lit pasture.
And da sun-lit pasture's full of children,
and de're singin' and dancin' and lovin' and goin' and swingin'
and Scrooge say, "Look, look, look! Dat's me down dere!"

"Yeah, dat's you, dat's you."

"I look pretty good"

"Yeah but ya don't look good now,"
He say, "I wanna hip you gotta get yourself ?

Zoom!

He takes him over to another place
and he shows him a pretty little chick
got dimples, three dimples on each chin,
and she got three little dimpled children,
and the next little dimple on da way,
and dere's a real swingin' cat around there,
and it's a happy time,
looks like seventeen carnivals takin' off.

An' Scrooge look at dis chick and say,
"I remember dat chick. I could 'a married her once."

"Yeah, you coulda if you wasn't so tight wid your purse.
You all was thinkin' about yourself, dat's what happened."
Say, "Let me hip you further, Mister Scrooge,
Let me tell you one thing:
you better get everything straight that you wanna
and you better straighten up."

"An' take me home."

"Yeah, I will."

Brrrrm Boom

And he's home again.

So man, that was a shaker.

This whole thing, this whole thing is shakin' me up pretty bad.

He say, I want to tell you right now . . .

Boom!

Here comes another big spook

Ooooohhhh He's a wild lookin' spook.
He's a crazy lookin' spook.

He's a far-out spook, he's a gas-light spook.
He's got a gas light right on the top of his wig
goin' around like one of them dramatic ? pilot lights
in a light house and he's there gassin' up the whole scene.

He say "Come with me. I'm The Ghost of Christmas Present"

And Scrooge look around and sees
the joint is loaded with apples and bananas and oranges and,
and credalies and acralonchs and ripalips
all kinds of crazy wild grapes and crazy Chistmas scenes
and nuts and candy.

And he say, "Come wid me."

Brrrrrttt.

Done took off again,

He said "I am The Ghost of Christmas Present."
He say, "I'm gonna show you what's goin' on in dis world
and how to dig Christmas and how to all enjoy

And he took him up to a little old outcast.

And there sittin on a small beat-up rock
was two studs chompin' up on a can 'a beans singin',

"Merry Christmas widch you,
Merry Christmas widch you.
Merry Christmas to the whole world"

And so on and so forth.

And he showin' him the people jumpin' for joy,
see how the cats that ain't got nothin' got somethin' anyway,
and they're all jumpin' for joy singin' "Merry Christmas," and da bells is ringin'.

Now you get yourself straight and see how things is ....

So they fly over da Cratchit's place,
there little old Tiny Tim, He's sittin' over in the corner
crochetin' a little crazy scene,
fiddlin' around, ya know what I mean?
An carryin' on, see,
and they are all talkin' about this here goose,
and dey look down here and this little goose
about the size of a beat up retarded sparrow,
and everybody's ooohin' and aahhhin' all over dis goose,
and day sayin' when are we gonna spread it,
and Tiny Tim say, "God bless everyone,
and even up to and including Scroogy Scrooge.
God bless everyone!" That's what Tiny Tim say.

And old Scrooge got red-eyed.

Brrrrt .

Took 'im back again.
Sound like the whole side 'a the buildin' open up
and in come a long angular spook
seventeen gas lights and stove pipes
hung together with
jingle jangle bells all over
Scrooge takes a look at this cat,

Says, "Do I have to go with you?"

He says, "You certainly do, 'cause I'm The Ghost of Christmas Future."

He say, "Come wid me."

Say, "Where we goin'?"

"None 'o your business!"

He takes old Scrooge they cut off flyin' around
the moonlight is shinin' down.

Booom!

They're in the grave-yard.
Oooh a wild OOOOoooohhhh
crazy spooky graveyard
and Scrooge is walkin' around
and finally something stepped out at him
like he was struck with the force of his eye lids,
some sort of an electronic pitchfork,
and he reads on one of them billboards in that grave-yard,
it say, "Dis is Scrooge, the baddest cat that ever lived.
He don't have nothin' he ain't got nothin' and he ain't got nothin now."

Period

And Scrooge looked at it and . . .

They're going to another place,
and there's a cat say "You goin' to the funeral?"
and he say, "Not me, man, I wouldn't go near that cat, dead or alive.
They couldn't pay me to get near that cat."
Say, "What cat is that?"
And suddenly Scrooge is takin' in the coffin factory
and seeing all these coffins layin' around,
and see one coffin,
all the rest of 'em got flowers around
'n 'dis poor little coffin got nothin on it but just some pinewood boards
an' old Scrooge look up and over and he's lookin' at this and that
and look all away 'cause he knows who is in dat coffin.

Zooooommmm.

He's swings on back again and the ghost puts him down
and old Scrooge is shakin' and shiverin'
and he finally falls into a real wild, crazy miser's coma.
And he falls out for how long he don't know
when and he wakes up and
Mornin'!

Aaaaahh, the sun was shinin' on the glorious snow
and old Scrooge is feelin' so groovey 'n so wired
and he tip tip tip tip tip toes over to the window.
He open the window, see a little cat, he say, "Hey, boy."

"Yes, sir."

"You know that great big giant king-size bird
down in Doodley's window?"

"You mean the prize bird?"

"No," he say, "I mean that great big king-size bird."
Say, "Go get that bird. Here's a twenty."

He knocks a twenty on him. "Go get dat bird.
And here's ten more for a cab,
an here's five dollar for your sister,
and here's twenty-two-fifty for your uncle's new bicycle.
Tell anyone who wants anything, 'See Scrooge.'
I'm flyin' this here Christmas.
I want to see Cratchit swing out
with a great big swingin' happy dinner.
I'm wid it all da way!"

An' old Scrooge get dressed and he's walkin' down the street,
and Ding Dong, Ding Dong Ding, the bells is ringin'.
Scrooge got a big smile on his face,
and people he's seen for twenty years never said hello,sayin'
"Good morning, Mr. Scrooge."

"What you say, Baby?"

An' he carryin' on, carryin' on, happy as the day is long.
And he finally fell into old Bob Cratchit's place
and he's got Christmas toys and Christmas joys
and Christmas presents for everybody.

And they'd just opened the goose,
and then little Tiny Tim see him comin',
he say, "God bless Mr. Scrooge.
He done did the turn about.
He's the Lord's boy today."

And that's the story of Scrooge.
You can get wid it if you want to.
There's only one way straight to the Road of Love.
---o0o---