Pope Benedict XVI: "I screwed up"

Obama: "I screwed up."/Double Portrait - Obama and Barney Fife

Click to enlarge Barney and BHO

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Abbie Hoffman's techniques for stealing

Painting by Thomas Good - click to enlarge

Steal Now, Pay Never - Shoplifting

This section presents some general guidelines on thievery to put you ahead of the impulse swiping. With some planning ahead, practice and a little nerve, you can pick up on some terrific bargains.

Being a successful shoplifter requires the development of an outlaw mentality. When you enter a store you should already have cased the joint so don't browse around examining all sorts of items, staring over your shoulder and generally appearing like you're about to snatch something and are afraid of getting caught. Enter, having a good idea of what you want and where it's located.

Camouflage is important. Be sure you dress the part by looking like an average customer. If you are going to rip-off expensive stores (why settle for less), act like you have a chauffeur driven car double parked around the corner. A good rule is dress in the style and price range of the clothes, etc., you are about to shoplift. The reason we recommend the more expensive stores is that they tend to have less security guards, relying instead on mechanical methods or more usually on just the sales people. Many salespeople are uptight about carrying out a bust if they catch you. A large number are thieves themselves, in fact one good way to steal is simply explain to the salesclerk that you're broke and ask if you can take something without paying. It's a great way to radicalize shop personnel by rapping to them about why they shouldn't give a shit if the boss gets ripped off.

The best time to work out is on a rainy, cold day during a busy shopping season. Christmas holiday is a shoplifter's paradise. In these periods you can wear heavy overcoats or loose raincoats without attracting suspicion. The crowds of shoppers will keep the nosy "can-I-help-you's" from fucking up your style.

Since you have already checked out the store before hitting it, you'll know the store's "blind-spots" where you can be busy without being observed too easily. Dressing rooms, blind alley aisles and washrooms are some good spots. Know where the cashier's counter is located, where the exits to the street and storage rooms are to be found, and most important, the type of security system in use.

If you are going to snatch in the dressing room, be sure to carry more than one item in with you. Don't leave tell-tale empty hangers behind. Take them out and ditch them in the aisles.

An increasingly popular method of security is a small shoplifting plastic detector attached to the price tag. It says "Do Not Remove" and if you do, it electronically triggers an alarm in the store. If you try to make it out the door, it also trips the alarm system. When a customer buys the item, the cashier removes the detector with a special deactivation machine. When you enter the store, notice if the door is rigged with electronic eyes. They are often at the waist level, which means if the item is strapped to your calf or tucked under your hat, you can walk out without a peep from the alarm. If you trigger the alarm either inside the store or at the threshold, just dash off lickety-split. The electronic eyes are often disguised as part of the decor. By checking to see what the cashier does with merchandise bought, you can be sure if the store is rigged. Other methods are undercover pigs that look like shoppers, one-way mirrors and remote control television cameras. Undercover pigs are expensive so stores are usually understaffed. Just watch out (without appearing to watch out) that no one observes you in action. As to mirrors and cameras there are always blind spots in a store created when displays are moved around, counters shifted, and boxes piled in the aisles. Mirrors and cameras are rarely adjusted to fit these changes. Don't get turned off by this security jazz. The percentage of stores that have sophisticated security systems such as those described is very small. If you work out at lunch time, the security guards and many of the sales personnel will be out of the store. Just before closing is also good, because the clerks are concentrating on going home.

By taking only one or two items, you can prevent a bust if caught by just acting like a dizzy klepto socialite getting kicks or use the "Oh-gee-I-forgot-to-pay" routine. Stores don't want to hassle going into court to press charges, so they usually let you go after you return the stuff. If you thought ahead, you'll have some cash ready to pay for the items you've pocketed, if caught. Leave your I.D. and phone book at home before going shopping. People rarely go to jail for shoplifting, most if caught never even see a real cop. Just lie like a fucker and the most you'll get is a lecture on law and order and a warning not to come back to that store or else.

TECHNIQUES

The lining of a bulky overcoat or loose raincoat can be elaborately outfitted with a variety of custom-made large pockets. The openings to these pockets are not visible since they are inside the coat. The outside pockets can be torn out leaving only the opening or slit. Thus you can reach your hand (at counter level) through the slit in your coat and drop objects into the secret pockets sewn into the lining. Pants can also be rigged with secret pockets. The idea is to let your fingers do the walking through the slit in your coat, while the rest of the body remains the casual browser. You'll be amazed at how much you can tuck away without any noticeable bulge.

Another method is to use a hidden belt attached to the inside of your coat or pants. The belt is specially designed with hooks or clothespins to which items can be discretely attached. Ditching items into hidden pockets requires a little cunning. You should practice before a mirror until you get good at it.

A good idea is to work with a partner. Dig this neat duet. A man and woman walk into a store together looking like a respectable husband and wife. The man purchases a good belt or shirt and engages the salesman in some distracting conversation as he rings up the sale. Meanwhile, back in the aisle, "wife" is busy rolling up two or three suits. Start from the bottom while they are still on the rack and roll them up, pants and jackets together, the way you would roll a sleeping bag. The sleeves are tied around the roll making a neat little bundle. The bundle is then tucked between your thighs. The whole operation takes about a minute and with some practice you can walk for hours with a good size bundle between your legs and not appear like you just shit in your pants. Try this with a coat on in front of a mirror and see how good you get at it.

Another team method is for one or more partners to distract the sales clerks while the other stuffs. There are all sorts of theater skits possible. One person can act drunk or better still appear to be having an epileptic fit. Two people can start a fight with each other. There are loads of ways, just remember how they do it in the next spy movie you see.

One of the best gimmicks around is the packaging technique. Once you have the target item in hand, head for the fitting room or other secluded spot. Take out a large piece of gift wrapping and ribbon. Quickly wrap up the item so it will look like you brought it in with you. Many stores have their own bags and staple the cash register receipt to the top of the bag when you make a purchase. Get a number of these bags by saving them if you make a purchase or dropping around to the receiving department with a request for some bags for your Christmas play or something. Next collect some sales receipts, usually from the sidewalk or trash cans in front of the store. Buy or rip-off a small pocket stapler for less than a dollar. When you get the item you want, drop it in the bag and staple it closed, remembering to attach the receipt. This is an absolutely perfect method and takes just a few seconds. It eliminates a lot of unsightly bulges in your coat and is good for warm-weather heisting.

A dummy shopping bag can be rigged with a bit of ingenuity. The idea is to make it look like the bag is full when there's still lots of room left. Use strips of cardboard taped to the inside of the bag to give it some body. Remember to carry it like it's filled with items, not air. Professional heisters often use a "booster box," usually a neatly wrapped empty package with one end that opens upon touch. This is ideal for electrical appliances, jewelry, and even heavy items such as portable television sets. The trick side can be fitted with a spring door so once the toaster is inside the door slams shut. Don't wear a black hat and cape and go around waving a wand yelling "Abracadabra," just be your usual shlep shopper self. If you can manage it, the trick side just can be an opening without a trick door. Just carry the booster box with the open side pressed against your body. Briefcases, suitcases and other types of carrying devices can all be made to hold items. Once you have something neatly tucked away in a bag or box, it's pretty hard to prove you didn't come in with it.

ON THE JOB

By far the easiest and most productive method of stealing is on the job. Wages paid to delivery boys, sales clerks, shippers, cashiers and the like are so insulting that stealing really is a way of maintaining self-respect. If you are set on stealing the store dry when you apply for the job, begin with your best foot forward. Make what employment agencies call a "good appearance." Exude cleanliness, Godliness, sobriety and all the other WASPy virtues third grade teachers insist upon. Building up a good front will eliminate suspicion when things are "missing."

Mail clerks and delivery boys can work all sorts of neat tricks. When things get a little slow, type up some labels addressed to yourself or to close friends and play Santa Claus. Wrap yourself a few packages or take one that is supposed to go to a customer and put your label over theirs. Blame it on the post office or on the fact that "things get messed up `cause of all the bureaucracy." It's great to be the one to verbalize the boss's own general feelings before he does when something goes awry. The best on-the-job crooks always end up getting promoted.

Cashiers and sales persons who have access to money can pick up a little pocket change without too much effort, no matter how closely they are watched by supervisors. Women can make use of torn hems to stash coins and bills. Men can utilize cuffs. Both can use shoes and don't forget those secret little pockets you learned about in the last section. If you ring up items on a cash register, you can easily mistake $1.39 for 39¢ or $1.98 for 98¢ during the course of a hectic day. Leave pennies on the top shelf of the cash register and move one to the far right side every time you skip a dollar. That way at the end of the day, you'll know how much to pocket and won't have to constantly be stuffing, stuffing, stuffing.

If you pick up trash or clean up, you can stick all sorts of items into wastebaskets and later sneak them out of the store.

There are many ways of working heists with partners who pose as customers. See the sections on free food and clothing for these. There are also ways of working partnerships on the job. A cashier at a movie theater and a doorman can work out a system where the doorman collects the tickets and returns them to the cashier to sell again.

A neat way to make a large haul is to get a job through an agency as a domestic for some rich slob. You should use a phony identification when you sign up at the agency. Once you are busy dusting the town house, check around for anything valuable to be taken home. Pick up the phone, order all sorts of merchandise, and have it delivered. A friend with a U-haul can help you really clean up.

CREDIT CARDS

Any discussion of shoplifting and forgeries inevitably leads to a rap on credit cards; those little shiny plastic wonder passes to fantasy land that are rendering cash obsolete. There are many ways to land a free credit card. You can get one yourself if your credit is good, or from a friend: report it stolen and go on a binge around town. Sign your name a little funny. Super underworld types might know where you can purchase a card that's not too hot on the black market. You might heist one at a fashionable party or restaurant. If you're a hat check girl at a night club, don't forget to check out pockets and handbags for plastic goodies.*

Finally, you can redo a legitimate card with a new number and signature and be sure that it's on no one's "hot list." Begin by removing the ink on the raised letters with any polyester resin cleaner. Next, the plastic card should be held against a flat iron until the raised identification number is melted. You can use a razor blade to shave off rough spots. This combination of razor blade and hot iron, when worked skillfully, will produce a perfect blank card. When the card is smooth as new, reheat it using the flat iron and press an addressograph plate into the soft plastic. The ink can be replaced by matching the original at any stationary store. If this is too hard, you can buy machines to make your own credit cards, which are made for small department stores. Granted, this method is going require some expertise, but once you've learned to successfully forge a credit card, buy every item imaginable, eat fancy meals, and even get real money from a bank.

*The absolute best method is to have an accomplice working in the post office rip off the new cards that are mailed out. They get to know quickly which envelopes contain new credit cards. Since the person never receives the card it never dawns on them to report it stolen. This gives you at least a solid month of carefree spending and your signature will be perfect.

Whether your credit card is stolen, borrowed or forged, you still have to follow some guidelines to get away without any hassle. Know the store's checking method before you pass the hot card. Most stores have a fifty-dollar limit where they only call upstairs on items costing fifty dollars or more. In some stores it's less. Some places have a Regiscope system that takes your picture with each purchase. You should always carry at least one piece of back-up identification to use with the phony card as the clerk might get suspicious if you don't have any other ID. They can check out a "hot list" that the credit card companies send out monthly, so if you're uptight about anything watch the clerk's movements at all times. If things get tight, just split real quick. Often, even if a clerk or boss thinks it's a phony, they'll OK the sale anyway since the credit card companies make good to the stores on all purchases; legit or otherwise. Similarly, the insurance companies make good to the credit companies and so on until you get to a little group of hard working elves in the basement of the U.S. Mint who do nothing but print free money and lie to everybody about there being tons of gold at Fort Knox to back up their own little forging operation.
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Tom Daschle: "I screwed up"/Photograph of Tom Daschle

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Poem: [the dragon]

1
The dragon
Stays below the surface
Because the time to act is not now.

2
Water pours down from heaven
And fire rises up
From the center of the earth.

Earth sucks in lightning
To charge itself
Like Frankenstein's monster.

3
Let the blue turtle go.
Train your eyes
Like a stalking bobcat.

4
Leave the knife beneath your cloak—
Let things pass
Because all things must pass

5
Awareness of danger
Brings good fortune
As you cross the great water.
---o0o---

Buy a painting memorializing the George Bush shoe throwing incident

click to enlarge

For sale right now on Ebay is a painting of what has to be one of the most--among many--ignominious moments of George Bush's tenure in the White House. It's going for about $270 US, along with about $200 in shipping. Click here to buy the painting.

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News, lies, and art

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Poem: Second Chance

We cannot lose
What really belongs to us,

Even when we throw it away.
The gathering winds

Blow through her heart, reverberating
In an echo chamber of regret.
---o0o---

And here is the same poem, using Fake Cyrillic:

PФЗM: SЭCФИD CHДЙCЗ

ШЗ CДИЙФT LФSЭ
ШHДT ЯЗДLLУ ЬЭLФИGS TФ ЦS,
ЗVЭИ ШHЗЙ ЩЭ THЯФШ IT ДЩДУ.
THЗ GДTHЭЯIИG ШIЙDS
ЬLФШ THЯФЦGH HЗЯ HЭДЯT, ЯЗVЭЯЪЗЯДTIИG
IИ ДЙ ЗCHФ CHДMЬЭЯ ФF ЯЗGЯЭT.
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Video and lyrics for Bob Dylan's My Back Pages

I put up the video for this song last month, as performed by Tom Petty, Bob Dylan, George Harrison, Neil Young, Roger McGuinn and Eric Clapton. But I didn't post the lyrics. With Dylan, the lyrics are key. And these lyrics are magnificent. They are probably somewhere up there in Dylan's ten best. . .which puts them, surely, in the top 20 for all rock songs, ever.



So, once again, here is the BobFest video, along with the lyrics.


My Back Pages
by Bob Dylan

Crimson flames tied through my ears
Rollin' high and mighty traps
Pounced with fire on flaming roads
Using ideas as my maps
"We'll meet on edges, soon," said I
Proud 'neath heated brow.
Ah, but I was so much older then,
I'm younger than that now.

Half-wracked prejudice leaped forth
"Rip down all hate," I screamed
Lies that life is black and white
Spoke from my skull. I dreamed
Romantic facts of musketeers
Foundationed deep, somehow.
Ah, but I was so much older then,
I'm younger than that now.

Girls' faces formed the forward path
From phony jealousy
To memorizing politics
Of ancient history
Flung down by corpse evangelists
Unthought of, though, somehow.
Ah, but I was so much older then,
I'm younger than that now.

A self-ordained professor's tongue
Too serious to fool
Spouted out that liberty
Is just equality in school
"Equality," I spoke the word
As if a wedding vow.
Ah, but I was so much older then,
I'm younger than that now.

In a soldier's stance, I aimed my hand
At the mongrel dogs who teach
Fearing not that I'd become my enemy
In the instant that I preach
My pathway led by confusion boats
Mutiny from stern to bow.
Ah, but I was so much older then,
I'm younger than that now.

Yes, my guard stood hard when abstract threats
Too noble to neglect
Deceived me into thinking
I had something to protect
Good and bad, I define these terms
Quite clear, no doubt, somehow.
Ah, but I was so much older then,
I'm younger than that now.

Copyright ©1964; renewed 1992 Special Rider Music
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Brian Wilson sings in a Black Cab Session

Brian Wilson performs in a black cab video. Must see TV! He sings That Lucky Old Song, and a small chunk of California Girls.

The Black Cab Sessions are pretty cool. They have about 80 online now, including a few Seattle bands, and some heavy hitters like Richard Thompson. A person or group gets in a can and they start driving, and perform a song.

Check out all their other videos (especially the richard thompson) here.

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Poem: The Water

1
The water, in perpetual motion,
Drifts into the troposphere,
Accumulates, and returns to earth
To join the rain and snow,
In the hills and mountains,
Rolling into aquifers and underground lakes,
Chasms, fissures, streams,
Valleys, craters, hollows,
Creeks, rivers, lakes, and oceans.

2
Is water the only thing
On this earth
That never gets old?
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Senator Jay Bulworth visits a talk show and raps about TV, Big Money, and procreative racial deconstruction

You know the guy in the booth who's talking to you in that tiny little earphone?
He's afraid the guys at network are gonna tell him that he's through
If he lets a guy keep talking like I'm talking to you
Cause the corporations got the networks and they get to say who gets to talk about the country and who's crazy today
I would cut to a commercial if you still want this job
Because you may not be back tomorrow with this cooperate mob
Cut to commercial, cut to commercial, cut to commercial.

Ok ok I got a simple question that I'd like to ask of this network
That pays you for performing this task
How come they got the airwaves?
They're the peoples' aren't they?
Wouldn't they be worth 70 billion to the public today?
If some money-grubbin Congress didn't give them away for big campaign money?
It's hopeless you see
If you're runnin for office without no TV
If you don't get big money
You get a defeat
Corporations and broadcasters make you dead meat
You been taught in this country there's speech that is free
But free don't get you no spots on TV

If you want to have senators not on the take
Then give them free air time
They won't have to fake
Telecommunications is the name of the beast
that, that, that, that, that's eating up the world from the west to the east
The movies, the tabloids, TV and magazines
they tell us what to think and do
And all our hopes and dreams
All this information makes America phat
But if the company's outta the country
How American is that?

But we got Americans with families that can't even buy a meal
Ask a brother who's been downsized if he's getting any deal
Or a white boy bustin ass til they put him in his grave
He ain't gotta be a black boy to be livin like a slave
Rich people have always stayed on top by dividing white people from colored people
but white people got more in common with colored people then they do with rich people
we just gotta eliminate them.

White people, black people, brown people, yellow people, get rid of 'em all
All we need is a voluntary, free spirited, open-ended program of procreative racial deconstruction
Everybody just gotta keep f***in' everybody til they're all the same color
---o0o---

Painting: Double Portrait of Maureen Roberts

click to enlarge

Alien Lore No. 147 - Ten Signs Your Co-worker May Be An Alien

The Weekly World News has recently re-published their 10 warning signs that someone you know is actually an alien:

"Many people work side by side with space aliens who look human - but you can spot these visitors by looking for certain tip-offs.

Experts have listed 10 signs to watch for:

1. Weird or mismatched clothes. “Often aliens don’t fully understand the different styles, so they wear combinations that are in bad taste, such as checked pants with a striped shirt or a tuxedo jacket with blue jeans or sneakers,” noted Brad Steiger, a renowned UFO investigator and author.

2. Strange diet or unusual eating habits. Aliens might eat french fries with a spoon or gobble down large amounts of pills, the experts say.

3. Bizarre sense of humor. Aliens who don’t understand earthly humor may laugh during a serious company training film or tell jokes that no one understands, said Steiger.

4. Takes frequent sick days. An alien might need extra time off to “rejuvenate its energy,” said Dr. Thomas Easton, a theoretical biologist and futurist.

5. Keeps a hand-written or online diary. “Aliens are constantly gathering information,” Steiger said.

6. Misuses everyday items. “An alien may use white-out to paint its nails,” said Steiger.

7. Constant questions about customs of co-workers. Aliens who are trying to learn about our Earth culture may ask questions that seem to be stupid, Dr. Easton said. “For example, a co-worker may ask why so many Americans picnic on the Fourth of July,” noted Steiger.

8. Secretive about personal life-style and home. “An alien won’t discuss domestic details or talk about what it does at night or on weekends,” said Steiger.

9. Frequently talks to himself. “A space alien may not be used to speaking as we do, so an alien may practice speaking when it thinks it’s alone,” Steiger noted.

10. Displays a change of mood or physical reaction when near high-tech hardware. “An alien may experience a mood change when a microwave is turned on,” said Steiger.

The experts pointed out that a co-worker would have to display most if not all of these traits before you can positively identify him or her as a space alien.

Have you ever discovered one?"

---o0o---

Sarah Palin explains How Obama Won with collusion from "the bloggers" and liberal media as she is interviewed for the documentary "Media Malpractice"

By Pablo Fanque
All This Is That National Affairs Correspondent

Sarah Palin was recently interviewed for what seems to be a right wing documentary on how Obama won, titled "Media Malpractice." It's basically stock Palin. . .interestingly, she doesn't take on the McCain campaign who were probably more responsible than anyone for how she was perceived by the media, and the public, particularly in the last month of the campaign, when they unabashedly threw her under the bus (ed note: do not infer by this that we don't believe she fully deserved to be placed under the bus).


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Scary Things

more music charts

Stolen-->Steal This Book by Abbie Hoffman<--Stolen

I loved Abbie Hoffman's first book when I was young. Thumbing through it now, through the filter of years, I still admire its indulgent, subversive anarchy. Well, someone has really stolen it, or at least placed it online (there is no difference, is there?). I bought the book twice. The first time, of course. . .someone stole it. I found this book online because bannination.com listed it with the caption "Dirty hippies give tips to unemployable bankers on how to survive in meltdown economy."

There is a lot of good stuff here. Or maybe you had to have "been there," I'm not sure! Click here to Steal This Book,

---o0o---

Poem: The Mission

The fire from up above
Shines down upon us
And everyone standing

In the light has a mission
To carry
Their brothers and sisters

It's up to us
To administer
The benevolent will of heaven

The light shines
Without prejudice
Upon everything on earth

On the evil and the good
We're all just customers
Of the sun

With a mission
To leave a little good
In our wake
---o0o---

Painting: Del Brummet in Selcuk, Turkey

click to enlarge Del

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And the race is on: The 2012 Presidential campaign has begun. . .The first hat in the ring? Sarah Palin's.

By Pablo Fanque
All This Is That National Affairs Editor

All This Is That's coverage of the 2012 Presidential race begins now. The election campaign kicked off quietly today, when Governor Palin of Alaska launched her website and PAC. What does The Governor's political action committee intend to do? They are. . .



"Dedicated to building America's future, supporting fresh ideas and candidates who share our vision for reform and innovation. SarahPAC believes America's best days are ahead. Our country, founded on conservative principles and the fight for freedom, must confront the challenges of the 21st century with integrity, innovation, and determination.

"SarahPAC believes energy independence is a cornerstone of the economic security and progress that every American family wants and deserves.

"SarahPAC believes the Republican Party is at the threshold of an historic renaissance that will build a better future for all. Health care, education, and reform of government are among our key goals. Join us today!"

It is clear as an unmuddied stream...Sarah Palin is running for President. She will do it by swinging to the far right, or, really, shucking the patina of moderation the McCain Presidential campaign required of its would-be Veep.

Sarah Palin will remind us that she warned us about just what Obama would unleash once the fetters were off. She will use BHO's middle name frequently. She will call him a Marxist, pinko, commie dupe, and naive. If she studies hard over the next couple of years, and if Obama seriously fumbles the ball, she may just have a shot in the primaries.

It will be most interesting to see what her PAC cooks up, and who in the G.O.P. will be on her side. One old pro I don't think we'll see sign up is Senator John McCain. I would have to guess they spoke the last words they spoke to each other were through gritted teeth the night of the election, when McCain put the kibosh on the concession speech she thought she could strongarm him into letting her deliver.

We are on her mailing list and will bring you updates as her PAC swings into action and begins accumulating cash for her Oval Office bid.
---o0o---

Elizabeth Suman on the Technology used during the Inauguration

Elizabeth Suman--a woman I've met in Seattle and who lives in NYC now--just published a pretty fascinating article in Nerdabout "10 Most Important Forms of Technology Used During the 56th Presidential Inauguration."

She goes into both the successes and limitations of technology in and around the Inauguration. Jump here to read the story on Nerdabout.
---o0o---

Poem: Autopsy of the 43rd Presidency

click to enlarge


Weak character coupled
With an honored place,
Half-baked knowledge
With big plans,
And limited reason
With heavy responsibility
Will not escape disaster.
---o0o---

Fun with portable traffic signs

As it turns out, these ADDCO portable signs are quite easy to program. i-Hacked tells how right here. .

But, of course, they do remind you:

*** WARNING YOU SHOULD NEVER TAMPER WITH THESE SIGNS ***



---o0o---

Gov. Blagojevich considered naming Oprah to fill Obama's Senate seat. Did "O" fail to cough up the requisite $$$?

By Pablo Fanque
All This Is That National Affairs Editor

Gov. Rod Blagojevich, the soon to be ex-Illinois governor, in the middle of an impeachment trial told ABC's "Good Morning America" that the idea of nominating Oprah Winfrey came to him as he looked at candidates for the job he is now accused of trying to sell to the highest bidder.

"She seemed to be someone who would help Barack Obama in a significant way become President," he said. "She was obviously someone with a much broader bully pulpit than other senators."

The governor dropped the idea, 'though, because he felt it would look like a gimmick; he also thought that she would not accept the position. Of course, it's also quite possible she was unwilling to cough up the cash he required for the slot. . .
---o0o---

Painting: Claire Brummet a/k/a Moochie

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Poem: Orienteering, or, What Do I Do Now?

The way through is unclear.
You look for an omen,
Like the old kings,

And contemplate
Advance and retreat,
Fight or flight,

Waiting for The Lamplighter
In his own sweet time
To show you a sign.
---o0o---

Poem: The Recurring Nightmare

You drag your wooden leg
Up a shattered staircase,

Across the sagging boards
Of a crumbling porch.

The only light filters down
Through banks of fog,

Radiating in waves from
A cockeyed half moon.

You hear whimpers
In the dark basement.

The door is locked.
You jiggle the knob.

The door creaks open.
You pause at the threshold,

Take a deep breath
And shuffle in.
---o0o---

Check it out: http://www.bannination.com/

I am really enjoying Bannination. It's somewhat similar to Fark, with less restrictions. And the people seem way less snarky.
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Painting: Augie 2008

click to enlarge
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Music video: Pierre Nadeau's "Girls Boys."

This is a video of Pierre Nadeau's "Girls Boys." It will probably one day be looked upon as a seminal music video. . .around 3:25 or so, you'll see Pierre rocking out on the KeyTar. The French video was re-released a couple years ago as Dans Le Speedo de Pierre Nadeau.


---o0o---

Poem: The Peacekeeper

1
The hawk on a high wall
is hardened in his wickedness

2
A roiling thunderstorm clears the air
Like Wyatt Earp's peacekeeper

3
You can overcome a bad beginning
But a good end lasts forever
---o0o---

POTUS 44: President Obama portrait on day five

click to enlarge

President Barack Obama, still smiling on Day Five of the new administration. Godspeed, bro'.
---o0o---

Poem: Gitmo

1
Is it goodness
To see justice
Administered with a granite fist
In an asbestos glove?
Let it come down
Like thunder and blue lightning,
Like the old surprise visit,
And an image of
Biting
Through.

2
The old kings made iron-clad laws
With exponential penalties.
Is a punishment that fits the crime,
Punishment at all?
When his feet are fastened in the stocks,
And his toes disappear?
When his neck is fastened in a wooden cangue,
And his ears disappear?
When the punished veer
From pleading for life
To pleading for death?
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Painting of Keelin Curran at Yosemite, 2008

click to enlarge

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The text of Elizabeth Alexander's Inaugural Poem (and a mini-review)

By
Pablo Fanque,
All This Is That National Affairs Editor

Why would I review a poem, instead of Jack? Because immediately following the Democratic Convention, Jack hectored the transition team with sample poems, bottles of Washington Cabernet Sauvignon bundled with Theo Chocolates, pleas, outright lies, donations, flattery, and schmaltz. . .all in hopes of snagging the poet slot at the inauguration.

Jack knew his chances were slim at best, and if anyone from the transition team went so far as to check his blog, or actually read his work, well, then:::::::::::::pffffft!

He didn't relent until the day in December the team named Elizabeth Alexander as the Inaugural Bard. In short, I am reviewing the poem because it would be sour grapes for Jack Brummet, and besides he is perhaps even more pathetic a reviewer than me.

Alexander chose the form of an African praise song. "These traditionally celebrate the life of an individual, giving their name, genealogy, totem animal, job, personal attributes, etc." These songs are done in a call-and-response/trading fours style. I've read some cool ones.

To use this old form was a great idea. It could have been a raucous, rhythmic, densely worded, and colorful celebration of America and change. As it turned out, Elizabeth Alexander's inauguration poem was a snoozer.

Walking is a dominant image, and probably the appropriate one, since BHO often talks about the journey, the path, and the road. But to make walking a central concept, walking needs to be more than plodding (for a celebration of walking listen to Guy Clark's recent "Walking Man").

The poem has virtually no wordplay or deep images. It is depressingly prosaic. Alexander ends at least one verse with a preposition (of). The rhythms are flabby. It's like a poem written for people who don't much like poetry, so why bother to change their minds? The almost random, but hopeful and kaleidoscopic view of America is nearly devoid of music. All that said, her heart was in the right place.

Most occasional poems are weak. Why would this be an exception? Alexander has written many a better poem. It had to be a tough writing job, and lord knows how many constraints she was working under! Here's the text. What do you think?
_______________________________________________________


Praise Song for the Day
A Poem for Barack Obama's Presidential Inauguration

by Elizabeth Alexander

Each day we go about our business,
walking past each other, catching each other's
eyes or not, about to speak or speaking.

All about us is noise. All about us is
noise and bramble, thorn and din, each
one of our ancestors on our tongues.

Someone is stitching up a hem, darning
a hole in a uniform, patching a tire,
repairing the things in need of repair.

Someone is trying to make music somewhere,
with a pair of wooden spoons on an oil drum,
with cello, boom box, harmonica, voice.

A woman and her son wait for the bus.
A farmer considers the changing sky.
A teacher says, Take out your pencils. Begin.

We encounter each other in words, words
spiny or smooth, whispered or declaimed,
words to consider, reconsider.

We cross dirt roads and highways that mark
the will of some one and then others, who said
I need to see what's on the other side.

I know there's something better down the road.
We need to find a place where we are safe.
We walk into that which we cannot yet see.

Say it plain: that many have died for this day.
Sing the names of the dead who brought us here,
who laid the train tracks, raised the bridges,

picked the cotton and the lettuce, built
brick by brick the glittering edifices
they would then keep clean and work inside of.


Praise song for struggle, praise song for the day.
Praise song for every hand-lettered sign,
the figuring-it-out at kitchen tables.

Some live by love thy neighbor as thyself,
others by first do no harm or take no more
than you need. What if the mightiest word is love?

Love beyond marital, filial, national,
love that casts a widening pool of light,
love with no need to pre-empt grievance.

In today's sharp sparkle, this winter air,
any thing can be made, any sentence begun.
On the brink, on the brim, on the cusp,

praise song for walking forward in that light.
---o0o---

Senator Jay Bulworth raps on Money and Obscenity

From the movie, Bulworth, Senator Jay Bulworth's rap on Money and obscenity:

Obscenity? The rich is getting richer and richer and richer
While the middle class is getting more poor
Making billions and billions and billions of bucks
Well my friend if you weren't already rich at the start
Well that situation just sucks
Cause the richest motherf****r in five of us
Is getting ninety f***in' eight percent of it
And every other motherf****r in the world is left to wonder
Where the f*** we went with it
Obscenity? I'm a Senator
I gotta raise $10,000 a day every day I'm in Washington
I ain't getting it in South Central
I'm gettin it in Beverly Hills
So I'm votin for them in the Senate the way they want me too
And-and-and I'm sending them my bills
But we got babies in South Central dying as young as they do in Peru
We got public schools that are nightmares
We got a Congress that ain't got a clue
We got kids with submachine guns
We got militias throwing bombs
We got Bill just gettin all weepy
We got Newt blaming teenage moms
We got factories closing down
Where the hell did all the good jobs go?
Well, I'll tell you where they went
My contributors make more profits makin, makin, makin,
Hirin' kids in Mexico
And a brother can work in fast food
If he can't invent computer games
But what we used to call America
That's going down the drains
How's a young man gonna meet his financial responsibilities
Workin for motherf****n' Burger King?
He ain't! And please don't even start with that school s**t
There aint no education going on up in that motherfucker
Obscenity? We got a million brothers in prison
I mean, the walls are really rockin'
But you can bet your ass they'd all be out
If they could pay for Johnny Cochran
The constitution is supposed to give them an equal chance
Well, that ain't gonna happen for sure
Ain't it time to take a little from the rich motherf****r
And give a little to the poor?
I mean, those boys over there on the monitor
They want a government smaller and weak
But they be speakin for the richest 20 percent
When they pretend they're defendin' the meek
Now, sh*t, f**k, c***sucker, that's the real obscenity
Black folks livin with every day
Trying to believe a mothe****in' word Democrats and Republicans say
Obscenity? I'm Jay Billington Bulworth And I've come to say
The Democratic party's got some s**t to pay
It's gonna pay it in the ghetto
It's gonna pay it in the ghetto.
---o0o---

Poem:Inauguration Day

1
The fortress wall
Crumbles into the moat

And the King's body
Hangs naked from a flagpole.

2
Cold winds scrub the desolate earth
And we try to get it right one more time.
---o0o---

Dick Cheney Returns Home

click to enlarge

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Something about rolling pins. . .

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"Welcome to Costco; I love you."

Click to enlarge. . .perhps one of the funniest moments in

the movie Idiocracy. "welcome to Costco. I love you."

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Poem: The White Pony

The white pony
Gallops over the hill
As if she has wings,

Like Shadowfax or Pegasus
Racing toward the fire
On the mountain.
---o0o---

Pablo Fanque: My favorite All This Is That Articles On Ex-President George W. Bush

By Pablo Fanque
All This Is That National Affairts Editor

Some of my favorite articles from All This Is That over the last term of the Bush Administration:

George Bush sees ghosts
President Bush finally beats Nixon & becomes the most unpopular ...
Former Press Secretary McClellan says Bush, Cheney, Rove, Libby Lied
Laura Bush puts the mark on George Bush/President Bush rumored to ...
Retired General George Washington Lashes Out At President Bush
Jimmy Carter Reams Bush: Bush Responds Like A Wounded Swamp Sow
President Bush drunk at Camp David
Alien Lore No. 65 - George Bush, Dick Cheney & The Greys
President Bush: "Stop doing this shit!"
President Bush lights up the "c***suckers" in the press
President Bush, remembering images of her tush, makes a move on ...
President Bush, reacting to yesterday's article on All This Is ...
President George Bush 'channels' Adolph Hitler during Iowa speech (includes audio clip)
Presidents Bush and Chirac, and Queen Elizabeth II F*** For Peace!
Priests to Purify Archeological Site After President Bush Visit
Former President George HW Bush excoriates his son's war
Bush and Abramoff captured together in explicit photographs
President Hugo Chávez: Hang President Bush First
Revelation: President Now Suffers Enuresis--More Trouble Every Day
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Painting: The Dolphin

click to enlarge

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Cancelled! George Bush mosies off into the sunset

click to enlarge
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Pardon Me, Mister President? No pardons?

click to enlarge the president

By Pablo Fanque

All This Is That National Affairs Editor

President George W. Bush has now taken his "victory lap." made the rounds to speak to various governmental agencies, and given a televised farewell. Just about all that's left for POTUS to do is issue his pardon and immunity list. I just heard that he will hand out virtually no pardons or immunity blankets? Is that even possible? He never has been big on pardons, unlike his Dad (who had a couple of humdingers). He might even have a record for fewest pardons.

Finally, yesterday, he did grant early prison releases to two ex-U.S. Border Patrol agents whose convictions for shooting a Mexican drug dealer ignited a gnarly national debate over illegal immigration.

Bush, caved in to pressure from both sides of the aisle, and commuted the prison sentences of Ignacio Ramos and Jose Compean. The two guards from El Paso, Texas, were each sentenced to more than 10 years for the shooting.

George Bush has given far fewer pardons than most of his predecessors. And yet, many of his former minions, aides, and associates could possibly be prosecuted for their actions. Will the President issue a broad blanket pardon, or cloak of immunity, to many people, or just select a small subset of his loyal henchmen and donors? It looks like neither. Just a couple of border guards. It only took eight years for The ex-President to execute a real class move.
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Painting: Dean & Mary star in The Kiss

click to enlarge

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Painting: Pink Plane Plummets

click to enlarge

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Female talk show hosts talk about breasts! Tyra Banks and Oprah weigh in on store-bought vs. The Real Deal

click to enlarge

I have to ask (why? I know the answer) what would happen if David Letterman, Jay Leno, or Stephen Colbert were in Oprah or Tyra's boots?

"I love that you have real breasts, because in all the breast scenes, your breasts do what real breasts do," Oprah said to Kate Winslett last week. And Kate played along, fondling her chest and making a joke or two about her award-winning girls.

"Thank you so much. You mean that kind of thing? asked Kate, "And this kind of thing? And the moment when they race for sanctuary under your armpits when you lie on your back?"

Months ago, Tyra Banks said much the same thing, although she actually lunged in for a closer personal inspection when she discussed Katherine McPhee's breasts.

click to enlarge Kate and Tyra
---o0o---

Poem: The Velvet Glove

1.
With every hesitation,
Trouble widens.
The dragon is unleashed.

You won’t begin what needs to begin
Because you’re searching
For a sign.

2.
You move in the troops
And impose order
With a velvet glove.

3.
When the horse
And the wagon part,
Bloody tears will flow.
---o0o---

Images of the Kansas City Public Library

The book walls at the Kansas City Public Library. This is pretty cool. At least a couple of walls feature mostly modern classics, and one seems to include popular and genre fiction.

Click the photos to enlarge...

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