Serial Adulterer Newt Gingrich "Endorses" The Iowa Marriage Pledge

By Mona Goldwater, Ethics Editor

From today's @NewYorkTimes:  "Newt Gingrich became the latest Republican candidate to endorse the so-called marriage pledge, a controversial document put forward by an influential evangelical group in Iowa that opposes same-sex marriage and abortion."

"Mr. Gingrich stopped short of signing the pledge, however."

The Iowa pledge, put together by the Family Leader, asks candidates to try to block same-sex marriage and women “in forward combat roles.” It also requires pledgees to remain faithful to their spouses and support “robust childbearing and reproduction.”

Newt didn't actually sign; he just "endorsed" it.   Perry, Bachmann, and Santorum all did sign the pledge.  Newt, of course, is the only one in the field who has publicly admitted to cheating on two of his wives (so far). 

The pledge's relevant section follows.  If Newt is really reformed, as he claims, it looks like he can endorse the Pledge with a (more or less) clear conscience:

"9 — As applicable if married now, wed in the future, or whenever interacting with another's spouse, a person of the opposite sex or of personal attraction. No signer herein claims to be without past wrongdoing, including that of adultery. Yet going forward, each hereby vows fidelity to his or her marital vows, to his or her spouse, to all strictures and commandments against adultery, and to resist the lure of pornography destructive to marital intimacy."

Mr. Gingrich is off the hook with the pledge for his past sins. 

The most interesting part of the pledge is where they get into economics.  WTF?  How is this in the Marriage Pledge?:

"Commitment to downsizing government and the enormous burden upon American families of the USA‟s $14.3 trillion public debt, its $77 trillion in unfunded liabilities, its $1.5 trillion federal deficit, and its $3.5 trillion federal budget." Again, this is in "The Marriage Vow."

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Contrary to the wingnuts' claims, BHO is no dove. He's a Scoop Jackson Democrat.

Pablo Fanque, National Affairs Editor

Image from JP Moore at Buzzfeed.

I've never doubted BHO's bellicosity; I never thought he was soft on war. He let us know that from the very beginning.  He was never against war, but he was very particular about which war he wanted.  The difference between him and President George W. Bush was the focus of their multi-pronged war, not war itself. In some ways, he's a Scoop Jackson defense democrat (if you doubt that, look at the current defense and war budgets), who is now facing potential action in Pakistan, and if things blow up, Iran.  And those wars are in addition to sending troops and advisers into other various hot spots and troubled regions (for example, Libya and Egypt).  He may not be a hawk, but he is a Defense Democrat ala JFK.   Appeasement?  Come on.  President Barack Obama is no George McGovern or Gene McCarthy.  And he most certainly is not a Neville Chamberlain.  

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Fans

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Christmas special: Eight Bad Santas

By Mona Goldwater, Holiday Editor

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An image from last night's Lunar Eclipse, as seen from the West Coast

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John Lennon's involuntary departure

By Jack Brummet, Rock Ed. and NYC/Metro Ed.

"Imagine no John Lennon."  December 8th is such a sad day.  I just read a piece about Lennon on The Norton Report. 

We lived a few blocks away from the Dakota and often caught glimpses of John and Yoko around the UWS. I remember Keelin was in a store on Columbus once, and they cleared the store because the Lennons were coming in to shop.

That night, December 8th. 1980,  we could hear the sirens from our place on W. 84th. I was listening to Vin Scelsa on WNEW-FM 102.7, when he got word that his friend had been assassinated. It was utterly devastating listening to Vin's reaction. There was such a pall over New York those next few days; it was heartbreaking. New York had bounced back a little bit from the lows of the mid-to late 70's.  And then, this.  In our town.  One of our flawed, but great heroes, eliminated. . .

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"OK, let's go. I'm getting The Spinnies."

Digital Art by Jack Brummet, Art Intern

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"We like Christmas Parties"

From FYVM.DK:

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Cola: "How soon is too soon?"

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Poem: [you can't see earth]

By Jack Brummet

[you can’t see earth]

1
You can't see earth
From the dark side of the moon
But maybe that changes

With the accelerating deceleration
Of the moon and earth.
A waning Gibbous moon

Dangles 1.3 light seconds away
And The Sea of Tranquility
Looks like a menacing sinkhole.

2
The moon
And the fog
Are in cahoots.

The mist slithers in,
Wraps itself around houses,
Trees, shrubs, and churches,

And threads its way
Along the ground,
Like a horror movie fog.

I wonder if the fog and moon
Really trigger
Mayhem, madness, and murder?

But then I don't actually know
If our brains have tides,
Or if they do, if it matters.
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ATIT Reheated: From 7 years ago, a list of our favorite disclaimers

By Pablo Fanque, National Affairs Editor

From ATIT in November 2004. . .this is one of my favorite lists by Jack (and there have been many).  He collected various disclaimers for years and published this, his first list ever, during the first month of All This Is That's existence.

• For entertainment only, do not put in mouth or rectum.
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• Rolling rock.
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• No alcohol, dogs or horses.
• No Life Support.
• REPRODUCTION REQUIRES APPROVAL OF ORIGINATOR OR HIGHER GOVERNMENT AUTHORITY.
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• Use of this system constitutes consent to security testing and monitoring.
• Unauthorized use could result in criminal prosecution.
• You must not find images of adults engaged in sexual acts to be offensive or objectionable; you must understand the laws and standards of the community to which you are transporting this adult material and you must assume all the liability for violating such laws and standard by entering this site; you may not allow any minor to view any of the material or images found by accessing this site.
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a bigfoot encounter

By Jack Brummet, Paranormal Editor
illustration by Jack Brummet

In North America (hey! including the brothers and sisters in Canada) there are myriad stories of Bigfoot kidnappings and sex with native women. Here's one story from a book written by Dr. Ed Fusch: "Seweneytl And The Stick Indians Of The Colville". The book contains dozens of accounts of Native American interactions with "large bipedal hominids". To us, this story about a Colville Indian bride stood out the most as it was summarized in Monster DNA and Ancestory by Ray Crowe:

Credit: www.colvilletribes.com

"Perhaps the most famous is the one in a rare book of Dr. Ed Fusch, “Seweneytl And The Stick Indians Of The Colville.” He tells of the Lake Band of the Colville Indians. They had a fishing camp in the late 1890’s near Keller, Washington, on the San Poil River."

"The recent pretty bride had gone for water when the camp heard the Indian maiden scream. The men thought a bear might be threatening or attacking the bride and rushed to her aid and they could only stand and watch in awe as the bride disappeared in the distance in the arms of a Skanicum (local Bigfoot name)."

"The remainder of the summer the men hunted for the lost bride searching every nook and cranny, but without luck. Finally at the end of summer they found her while she was gathering roots as the Skanicum slept. She was pregnant from the seed of the monster that had forced her to satisfy his desires. Months later she bore a half-monster child – a son. She named him Patrick. And Patrick survived and grew up to become a member of the tribe."
"Patrick was ugly. A tiny troll of a sub-human hybrid. He was hump-backed and only 5’4” tall with arms that hung down to his knees. There was a sloped forehead, a large mouth, and a large lower jaw with protruding teeth. He grew up, being considered quite bright and affluent; enough that he found a wife and lived a successful married life. He reached the ripe old age of 30, and was buried on the Colville Reservation."
"Patrick had a full family life, siring three daughters and two sons that died early. The girls were Mary Louise, Madeline, and Stella, who also died early. Mary Louise lived near Omak and it was said that her paternal grandfather was a Skanicum, although she was relatively normal in appearance; although both girls were said to have protruding teeth, wide mouths, and were squint eyed."
"Madeline lived near the Washington coast, and was said to be incredibly ugly. An alcoholic, she spent much of her time in taverns. Dr. Fusch is, last I heard, was unsuccessful in trying to track her down to get a DNA sample which might have been illuminating."

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